Thrive In Life Away From The Grave of Regrets

Understanding the Self-Concept can help you thrive in life or wait in the grave of regrets! Not long ago I was having a conversation with a friend.  She grew-up in an abusive and dysfunctional family.  I am sharing this with you, because she requested that I do so.  Sharing is part of her road to emotional healing.  We meet on an ongoing basis and this was our third meeting.

During the meeting we spoke about the fact that she is having a hard time seeing herself as a productive member of our society and able to help others.  Although she is very helpful, she does not see it.  This might be because she has a diminishing view of her self-worth.  As always, read, apply, and share with others.  We are in this together until we depart for the Promised Land.


Self-concept: is our perception of what makes each one of us unique as a reflection of talents, gifts, abilities, skills.  For example, in the Christian world view, God made man in God’s image.  The self-perception of an individual should lead the individual to think of herself as precious and remarkable.  However, even among Christians, this is not the case.  The reason might be a disruption in the well-being, which a poor definition of the self-concept is a root.  Remember, in Wellness by Nature the well-being is an alive and thriving organism.  Consider the information in the article and reflex on these principles.

Factor in the Self-Concept

Self-image: how we see ourselves

Self-value: how we value ourselves

Self-ideal: what we wish we could be or would like to be

Disturbances in Factors

Individuals with poor self-concept will have an unhealthy way to handle everyday challenges in a healthy matter.  For example, he might see himself as something distorted. She might have a hard time achieving simple goals or even having fun.  There are some basic reasons why this might happen.

1-    Self-concept does not align with reality.  While I see myself one way, reality shows something else–lack of balance among my mind, soul, and body.  In fact, in Wellness by Nature we consider this a huge part of spiritual sickness.

2-    Reality does not align with self-concept.  While the reality of my life does not validate the actions of the self-concept, the lack of balance propels the assumption of a fragmented self-concept.

3-    Self-concept and reality are not in balance.  While the mind is trying a rational approach to define the self-concept and reality, the soul could not find the balance and the body’s equilibrium is off.

Matter of the Concern: disturbances in the self-concept may cause inability to change, diminish growth, limiting the development of well-being and inhibit human potential for a healthy self-concept. 

Areas affected by the positioning of the self-Concept

Self-Esteem: evaluates our perception of worth as individuals

Self-Sufficiency: evaluate our resilience to move on in a healthy and positive way even under harsh circumstances

Possible reasons for disturbances

Love-Self-And-Wellneess-by-NatureChildhood and Love

While individuals should learn that achieving is good in life, achievement should not be a condition to receive love.  Love, a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection of a parent to a child should be free of “conditions.” For example, there are certain phrases in childhood that affirm this premise.

“I love you when you make good grades”

“I love you when you behave.”

These conditions attached to the child’s need for love, shapes a child who believes that in order for he to receive love, he needs to meet the condition requested by the parent or adults caretakers.  This might be the most powerful root for the lack of balance of the self-concept and a positive definition of it.

Unconditional love

Conditions do not restrict Unconditional Love.  In fact, unconditional love stands and thrives even through many disapproving circumstances.  Again, for Christians this is the love of Christ.  Sadly, in society in general when the behaviors of others fail to meet our expectation, a great numbers of individuals remove love from the individual who might have broken “our rules.”  And while this is a topic of another article, this is good point to reflect.

If you are a caretaker of children, you might want to practice this simple sentence when the child does not behave accordingly.

“I love you but what you did___________________________________, it is not nice and we are going to see how WE can work on this.”

Example, I love you, but what you break your brother’s toy it is not nice, and we are going to see how we can work on this.  Maybe you can buy him a new toy with your next week’s allowance.

When you place, “I love you” at the beginning of the correction, there is an affirmation in the child’s heart that there is love even during not so good behaviors.   

Beginning to a Solution towards a Positive Self-Concept: Harmonization of the mind, spirit, and body

The harmonization process requires a purpose and intent.  The purpose is to change the negative self-concept to a positive one and the intent is to remove the “sense of conditional love” from your soul.  This will open the door to experience the power of unconditional love.  This process takes time, but the result is worth the time and effort.  

1-    Learn to love yourself unconditionally.

  • Forgive yourself for past mistakes
  • Forgive those who participated in the genesis of the poor self-concept
  • Know that you are about to start anew – TODAY.

2-    Look at yourself in the mirror and be honest about who you really are.

3-    Honesty will bring reality and self-concept in alignment.  You are not seeking beauty only reality. An example, which comes from my childhood stories, is the frog that sees his image at the lake and wishes for a different one.

4-    Do not be concerned about the picture that you see, there is hope in the beginning of progressive and positive transformation.  Again, the frog story, the frog wanted to be a prince.  So the frog began to read Wellness by Nature and became a prince.

5-    Make a list of the things that you would like to change so that both, self-image and the realty match.  In a puzzle, the pieces need to match-up.

6-    Begin to work on those things that you would like to change  

7-    Reconstruct the Factors in the Self-Concept:

  • Self-image: how we see ourselves
  • Self-value: how we value ourselves
  • Self-ideal: what we wish we could be or would like to be

8-    Seek the help of a coach if needed.

Conclusion, the self-concept should be positive and in balance with the image and values,  aiming to be all that we are to be, a progressive individual with healthy self-esteem and self-sufficient, capable of achieving and thriving in a healthy environment.  At the end, your well-being will be in harmony, mind, soul, and body leading to a personal growth that will benefit your life and the life of those around you – doing life together in a positive way is Wellness by Nature heart.


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Wellness by Nature and love Yourself First

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Candelaria Brown

About the Author

Candelaria Brown

I'm no doctor, but I love sharing from my vast knowledge on the power of foods and techniques that help you vastly improve your life in areas like physical health, sickness prevention, and emotional and spiritual balance. Read more about me...

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